


The Best Man

by thefangirldiaries



Category: Vampire Academy Series - Richelle Mead
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-09
Updated: 2016-08-09
Packaged: 2018-09-19 18:00:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 11,588
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9453284
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thefangirldiaries/pseuds/thefangirldiaries
Summary: Set during LS; Dimitri believes redemption from his Strigoi past is impossible. Promising Lissa he would keep Rose safe as a fugitive was easy. Hell, he even agreed to hunt down the missing Dragomir child. Easy. When someone from Dimitri's past unexpectedly joins their party, he is forced to change his perceptions on forgiveness and admit the feelings he wanted to forget. DPOV





	1. Part 1

I don’t know how we ended up here.  
Everything was moving two times faster than it should have been but my mind was seeing it all in slow motion. Sonya thrust her body up to buck Robert off of her, but he continued to flail at her with the stake poised in his hand. She couldn’t do too much damage under her restraints, so I stood off to the side with my own stake at the ready just in case. Rose was keeping an eye on Victor so that he wouldn’t try to cause any trouble; we could just never know with him. Sydney was taking up a corner of the room, as rigid as a statue.  
There was a faint glow of sunlight spilling in from the kitchen one room over, due to the gaping hole we created in the sliding door. I could tell from my long shadow casted on the hardwood floor that we were nearing sundown. If Robert could stake Sonya soon, we could head out and find shelter somewhere else. The task seemed simple enough, and there was no need for me to intervene with Sonya chained up, but my lack of action was disconcerting in the presence of a Strigoi.  
With Sonya screaming at the top of her lungs, it’s a wonder Rose could tell that we weren’t alone. Then I remembered Rose once telling me about her early warning system, the nausea that hits her when the undead are near. It must have intensified, or somehow told her that there was more than one Strigoi nearby, because Rose turned to the staircase rapidly, looking up into the darkness. She crouched defensively, “There’s someone coming down the st- umph!” A tall, lean figure knocked into her, cutting off her words.  
The male attacker had just enough surprise on his side that Rose couldn’t properly defend herself. I abandoned my post near Sonya to deal with the more immediate threat. The attacker was on top of Rose, pinning her down with his weight. Her stake went flying when she fell, clattering to the ground across the room. Rose’s size was always her greatest disadvantage in a fight, especially against a male attacker. All I could see of him was short blonde hair. Rose had her hands on his face, trying to push him away as he attempted to bite into her neck.  
It didn’t take a genius to realize he was a Strigoi, even without seeing his eyes. I grabbed the collar of his shirt and yanked him up. Or, at least I tried to. His hands were gripping Rose’s arms, so when I pulled on him he pulled her too. He was sitting up and Rose was almost in his lap. She didn’t waste a second, taking advantage of the new position she was in. She punched the Strigoi in the throat and he released his grip on her. She leapt out of his lap, and I moved in. Since Rose didn’t have her weapon, I would finish the job.  
“Sydney, go outside!” Rose screamed. Less than two seconds later I saw a blonde figure bolt into the kitchen.  
The Strigoi was standing fully now, facing me with his teeth bared; I almost stopped breathing right then and there. Even after everything that’s happened to me, though nothing should shock me anymore, even after I tried pounding it into Rose’s head that she could never hesitate, I still did just that.  
I was looking at Ivan Zeklos. Ivan was alive. No, not alive. Ivan was a Strigoi.  
I could never forget those pale blue eyes, the face I was jealous of growing up. He still had a scar on his jaw on the left side of his face from when we tried to learn how to drive motorcycles together. Girls loved that scar; he never went home alone when he dragged me to clubs with him. He still had a five o’clock shadow on his face from the last time I saw him. The only difference was now he had red rings around his pupils.  
He paused too, the surprise of seeing a familiar face coming over him. But, just like me, he didn’t let the surprise slow him down too much. He lunged forward with his fist going for my face. I dodged it easily, but couldn’t even process throwing a punch back. I was the one who taught him how to punch, so long ago. He kept coming at me, and I kept dodging him, not trying to attack him at all. “It’s so good to see you again, Dimka. I heard you’d been awakened, what happened?” He sneered at me. His voice was so damn familiar, yet morphed by his cruel intent.   
I wanted to believe Ivan was in there. All I could see in front of me was my best friend, yet deep down I knew Ivan was gone. I would have to kill him, it was my duty as a guardian. I tried to shut down my emotions and operate only in assailant mode, but my mind was determined to let me know who I was fighting. Ivan saw the uncertainty in my eyes and laughed; he knew I wouldn’t hurt him. His response enraged me, but it didn’t change the fact that I refused to go on the offense with him.  
I didn’t waste my breath on responding to his question, I just focused on deflecting him. I didn’t think I could stake him, Rose would have to do it for me.  
As if thinking of her summoned her, she was suddenly by my side, dodging Ivan’s throws at both of us. “What the hell happened!” She yelled at me. She had her stake now, and moved in on Ivan, changing the game and going on the offensive. I rushed in to help her; I couldn’t let her fall just because it was Ivan in front of me.  
Beautifully, gracefully, she used moves I had taught her on fighting an opponent taller than her. It didn’t look like she needed my help, but when she landed a kick on Ivan’s shin, I grabbed his shoulders anyway and helped her bring him to the ground. She jumped on top of him, straddling his lap and raised her stake. I didn’t know why I was doing this, why I would risk it, but seeing her about to end him made me snap.  
I couldn’t let her stake him. I shoved her side, the same way she shoved Eddie off me at the hotel in Las Vegas, making her topple onto the ground beside Ivan. Ivan was standing in an instant, almost as tall as me. Rose got up before Ivan could do anything, and we were back to dodging his throws again.  
“What the fuck was that!” she yelled as she tried getting back to the offensive. We would both get tired soon, but Ivan could keep coming at us. “I had him!” Rose was verbally attacking me at the same time she was defending her life against a Strigoi. She never ceased to amaze me.  
Ivan must have learned some moves after he’d been turned because he was able to deflect Rose fairly well, but most of it was just his height and speed against her. He wasn’t hurting her, so I saw no need to intervene for now. Stupidly, I found myself staring at their fight. My lost best friend and my ex lover, neither of them knew who the other was.  
“Help me!” she grunted as she swiped her stake across his chest, ripping the fabric and leaving a line of red slowly oozing down his shirt. He roared at her and reached for her ponytail. He pulled on the hair, making her yell out. Now her neck was exposed, it would only take Ivan a second to get his teeth into her. “NO!” I screamed as I lunged for Ivan, making him lose his grip on Rose. I was able to get Ivan from behind, my stake poised at his throat and my arms locking around his shoulders, coming up from under his armpits. Rose didn’t miss a beat, her stake aimed for his exposed chest.  
I panicked and twisted Ivan in my grip to get his heart out of her stake’s view. “No, Rose! It’s Ivan,” I cried out, panting as I struggled to keep him still. “It’s Ivan…” I repeated. Rose paused, confusion and comprehension overcoming her features at the same time. She glanced back at him, looking at the best friend she had only ever heard about, the man we both thought was dead. The pause was enough for Ivan to make a move, he broke free and reached for Rose, only she wasn’t there anymore.  
We all went flying to the wall as a white light filled the room and blinded us. I could feel a murmur of magic, a fraction of what I had felt when Lissa transformed me. Though this time I wasn’t in pain, and I could concentrate on the feeling of the magic coursing through the air. It was brilliant, full of life and energy, two of the things I thought I would never embody again. Here was the proof I needed; I could feel exactly what Rose and Lissa had been trying to tell me all along. I was truly alive again, just as Sonya would be once the magic took over. I could almost sense a part of my soul falling back into place.  
I heard her cries as soon as the white light vanished. Ivan looked at Sonya, more perplexed than concerned. Rose had landed beside me, and she turned to face me, a determined glint in her eyes. “Stun him.” Her voice left no room for doubt.  
I leaned over toward Ivan, who was still staring at the scene in confused wonder. Before he could react I jammed my stake in the right side of his chest and he went still. I was nowhere near his heart, but this would buy us enough time for whatever Rose had planned. She stood up and stalked over to Robert, who was staring off into space with his eyes glazed over. I watched as Rose grabbed Robert’s arm and drag him over to where I sat with the frozen Strigoi. Rose dropped Robert on the floor next to Ivan, then she dropped the spirit-infused stake. “Transform him too,” she ordered, pointing to Ivan.  
I could have kissed Rose then, for thinking of the obvious solution that somehow escaped me. Robert glared at Rose, he could hardly sit upright. “I’m not strong enough. That took enough out of me,” he gave a pointed look to Sonya, still chained up and crying. Rose rolled her eyes, “Jesus Christ. Here,” she crouched down next to Robert and tilted her head so that her neck was exposed. Robert stared at her, dumbfounded. Rose, always impatient, groaned. “C’mon, drink my blood. You need the strength? Here it is.” She shifted closer to Robert, bringing her neck almost to his mouth.  
As preposterous as the idea seemed, Rose didn’t need to think twice about giving her blood in a time of need. As far as I knew, she had only willingly given her blood to Lissa and Adrian; offering it to Robert must have been uncomfortable for her, but she was determined.  
Robert hesitated, but ultimately couldn’t resist the offer of her blood. He sank his teeth into her neck, making her moan. The scene before me felt familiar in more than one way. A shiver ran through me as my memory attacked me with the taste of Rose’s blood and the shape of her body as I would let my hands roam, making her moan loudly and sensually, all of it exciting and against her conscious will. I remember the pleasure of drinking her blood, but the thought of doing it now only repulsed me. I felt a surge of jealousy and disgust as I watched someone else drinking from her. “How charming,” Victor commented sarcastically. After several long moments torturing myself to the view of Rose being used as a blood bag, I gripped Robert’s shoulder and pushed him back, “That’s enough,” I growled.  
Victor chuckled, “Still so protective of your precious Rose, I see.” I pointedly ignored him. Rose squinted her eyes shut as if in pain, hopefully she was too high to process what Victor had just said. “Okay,” she whispered. “Do it, Robert. Now.” Rose crawled slowly over to where Sydney was and sat with her to watch from a safe distance. Robert was able to sit up now, and leaned over the unconscious Strigoi. My heart pounded with excitement as I watched Robert angle for the blow. I gripped my own stake and nodded at Robert. I pulled my stake out at the same time he plunged his into Ivan’s chest.  
Another blast of white light ensued, knocking me to the group. I felt the same encouraging magic fill the air, making the message truly stick. This is your second chance, Dimitri, don’t mess it up more than you already have. When it disappeared, there wasn’t any crying. Sonya had stopped, and Ivan wasn’t crying at all. I moved over to him, afraid that the stake had killed him, like a normal stake would. It hadn’t, thankfully. Ivan lay on the floor, his clear blue eyes blinking rapidly, taking in the scene before him. “Is he okay?” Rose asked skeptically. I reached out a hand and rested it on his shoulder. His whole body twitched from the touch, and I jerked my hand away for fear that I hurt him. He looked at me, still stunned, studying my face with wide eyes. Then he scoffed in amazement, “Dimka?”  
I couldn’t help the grin that broke out on my face, “Ivan! You’re alive!”  
That was when the crying began.  
I pulled him into a bear hug, both to comfort him and because I missed him. For three years I carried his loss with me, every single day. I never thought I would see him again, yet here he was, crying the same way I did when I had been transformed. Ivan wrapped his arms around me, gripping my shirt and crying into my shoulder. “Dimka, what have I done?” he asked helplessly, speaking in Russian . “I know,” I replied in my common language, “It’s going to be okay. Trust me.”  
I held him for a long time, ignoring the prying eyes around us. When Lissa had transformed me, I thought I had lost everything. I was constantly engulfed in cruel thoughts about myself. I was a monster, Hans would never redeem my guardian status, and I knew I couldn’t allow myself to get close to Rose. She deserved better than what I had been to her. I lost Ivan, and I couldn’t make another friend like him. Yet, somehow, I got him back. Maybe things would work out after all for me. I could prove my worth and regain my humanity by helping Ivan.  
I released him from the hug and sat next to him, patting his back as he cried. The rest of the room started to come to life after that; Rose quietly ushered everyone out of the living room, helping Sonya up the stairs. Ivan calmed down slightly after we were left alone. He studied his hands as if he’d never seen them before. “Wh-what just happened to me?” he asked tentatively once his sobs died down into the occasional hiccup.  
“Uhm,” I blinked, trying to decide how best to explain it. He had missed everything that had happened to me in the past two and a half years, and so much had changed in that short amount of time. I didn’t quite know how to explain Spirit magic to someone totally out of the loop, but I could try. “Robert, one of the Moroi here, used healing magic to transform you and Sonya. You’re both Moroi again.”  
Ivan gave me a panicked look, “So I… I really was a… I really killed people?” He looked back down at his hands, as if he couldn’t believe what he had done with them.  
I nodded somberly, seeing the faces of my own victims in my head. “Yes. You really were a Strigoi.” Ivan had almost two years on me in terms of killing innocents, I could only imagine his guilt right now. “You weren’t yourself,” I added as an afterthought. He shook his head, “It was all me, Dimka. I killed countless people. I enjoyed it.” Tears threatened to break through as he silently started to sob again. I pursed my lips, “I know.” He gave me a strange look, a realization coming over him. “You were… you were a Strigoi too. I had heard you were awakened. When did you, uhm, become a dhampir again? You, uh, seem to be doing okay?” His tone implied it was a question; Ivan was one of the few people who knew my attitude on the outside rarely reflected my inner turmoil.  
I scoffed at him, “I’m hardly okay. I was transformed just under a month ago, but I still… well it’s just hard.” Ivan nodded, “It’s my fault they’re dead. I should have died the day I was attacked. Instead I killed hundreds.”  
Hearing the exact words I had been thinking for the last month coming out of Ivan’s mouth made me realize how ridiculous it all was, and how I had been torturing myself. “No, Ivan. You didn’t ask to be a Strigoi. You were forced into that, and you had no control over what you did in that form. That Strigoi is a completely different person than you are. You just have to live with the memories. But it wasn’t you!”  
Ivan groaned, “Look who’s talking! How do you feel with all that blood on your hands?” I flinched at his harsh tone; Ivan was always one of the only people who could give it to me straight. I covered my face in my hands, “I know,” I mumbled, “I know, I’m the last person to be talking about redemption or forgiveness… But we’ve been given a second chance, a chance to protect the ones we love. You have to believe in this second chance, Ivan.”  
There was a commotion upstairs, distracting us both from the topic at hand. Sydney came down the stairs, staying on the last step and regarding Ivan uncertainly. “Rose wanted me to check on you two, and give you an update. She’s with Sonya right now, and the brothers are both asleep in the guest bedroom.”  
“Rose is the dhampir with you?” Ivan asked in English. Both Sydney and I nodded, “Thank you Sydney. How’s Rose after the bite?”  
Ivan gasped, “I bit her?” Ivan of course didn’t remember biting her, but he showed guilt for it anyway. I hesitated in answering, “Uh no. She let Robert, the Moroi who transformed you, feed off her so he had enough energy to use his magic.” Anyone who didn’t already know Rose would have been shocked that she would offer her blood like that, and Ivan’s reaction just proved my point. “Why would she do that for me?”  
Sydney coughed, “Rose is fine, by the way” she interjected, “I’m going back upstairs to be with her.” Sydney trompled up the stairs, letting her frustration be known. I sighed, giving my attention back to Ivan, “Rose didn’t want to stake you, neither did I. We had a… healer with us so she made sure you were transformed instead. That’s just the kind of person Rose is.” I didn’t mention that I also thought Rose did it just because she knew how much Ivan meant to me, and she still cared about me.  
“Woah,” Ivan said. “I guess I owe her for that,” he muttered, switching back to Russian. I chuckled, “She’ll just say you can pay her back by forgiving yourself.” Ivan regarded me with an amused expression, “Is that what she told you? So she helped transform you too?” I knew that telling him about Rose’s involvement in my transformation would mean that I have to tell him everything about our past relationship, so I kept it at a vague “Something like that.”  
Ivan seemed to be in a slightly less gloomy mood after that. The room was still clouded in grief and pain, but Ivan looked a lot more happy to be alive than I had when I transformed. We sat leaned up against the wall, sharing our experiences as a Strigoi. I even told him about the victim that haunted me the most; a little girl no older than five years old. She was at a park near dusk. I killed her mother too. Ivan understood it all, and shared his own stories. I didn’t even realize it when tears started streaming down my face as I recounted the faces that kept me up at night.  
It was a relief to tell another living person about my time as a Strigoi. Ivan didn’t judge me, or cower in fear. I was able to express how energetic and ravenous a person’s blood made me, but he also understood how all of those feelings no longer existed. I felt the shadow of my Strigoi thirst, companioned by my repulsion of that life.  
I’m not sure how much time passed between us, it must have been hours, and by the time Rose came downstairs to ask about dinner the sun had already gone down. We agreed to pizza, since it was the easiest option at the time. The whole time Ivan didn’t take his eyes off her, but she only spared him a few glances. I handed Rose the burner phone to order for us and she walked over to the kitchen as she dialed, holding a pamphlet for the pizzeria in her other hand. Once she was out of earshot Ivan gave me a mirthful look, “So when did you two meet?” he asked suggestively. It was already obvious from one look at him that he lusted for her.  
I couldn’t tell him the whole story about her when she was standing just one room away, so I just shook my head. “It’s not like that. And she has a boyfriend,” I added extra emphasis on the last part; not sure if that was for his benefit or my own. I didn’t want Ivan to pursue Rose for many reasons; she has a boyfriend, we’re on a mission and she can’t be distracted, it would be awkward for me to see them together, Ivan wouldn’t treat Rose with the respect she deserved, and finally, I would be extremely jealous.  
“Lots of the girls I’ve dated have boyfriends,” Ivan chuckled. He always had a way with the ladies. His reputation almost matched Adrian’s at times. I let out an angry puff of air, “Just drop it, Ivan. Rose isn’t interested.” I could feel the jealous tendencies already. Fuck’s Sake, I thought, you’re turning into a possessive ex. In all honesty, I was always somewhat possessive of Roza. I always mentally criticized the men that walked into her life, and none of them were ever good enough in my eyes. Before I was turned, I wanted to spend my life proving that I was the man she deserved, but now I just hoped she found happiness with someone who hadn’t hurt her like I did. And I knew with 100% certainty that I did not want a lovable playboy like Ivan to even touch Rose.  
I may have lost my love for Rose, but the memories of us together gripped me tight, and I knew I would always protect her, always risk my life for her.  
Ivan smirked at me, “Wipe that look off your face, Dimka. You want to replace that boyfriend of hers?” I narrowed my eyes at him, but let the rest of my face fall into my blank guardian demeanor. “Of course not,” I said in a tone of finality, hoping he would drop the subject.  
The Dashkov brothers, Sydney, Sonya and Rose joined us in the living room. We all ate pizza sitting in a circle on the floor. Sydney sat close to Rose, as did Sonya on her other side. The dinner was silent for the most part; not one person tried to make a joke to lighten the mood. I kept my eyes on the recently ex-Strigoi, gaging their moods. Sonya seemed to be taking her transformation fairly well, and kept a pensive but almost serene look on her face as she ate.  
Ivan was also pensive, but he also seemed distracted by the brown haired beauty sitting across from him. Rose always had a way of grabbing the attention in the room, for good and bad reasons alike. Ivan wasn’t the only one watching her. Victor studied her with the same keen eyes that plotted Lissa’s kidnapping. My annoyance with Ivan was hardly enough to distract me from Victor’s prying eyes. Rose, thankfully, wasn’t bothered by all the looks she was getting. She tried several times to coax Sonya into a conversation, which resulted in a lot of one word answers and non-committed shrugs.  
The relative silence was broken by Ivan, he cleared his throat to grab everyone’s attention. “I don’t believe we have all been introduced. I,” he stated grandly, holding a hand to his heart, “am Ivan Zeklos. I know Dimka here, and Sonya. But I don’t know the rest of you. Let’s start with the alchemist in the room. What is your name?” he asked pointing to Sydney. Sydney shrunk into herself slightly, “I’m Sydney.” Ivan nodded encouragingly but Sydney didn’t say anything else.  
“Okay…” he drawled. “And you’re Rose, correct?” she nodded, “And how did you end up with this big lug?” Ivan jabbed a thumb in my direction. Rose coughed to stifle a laugh at Ivan’s comment, “Dimitri?” the humor in her voice was quickly replaced by a hopelessness, “He, uh, used to be…” she gave me an awkward glance before directing her eyes to the ground, “my mentor. He helped me train to become a guardian,” she said softly. There was a lump in my throat which I tried to swallow but dammit the woman still got a reaction out of me, even after just a few words.  
Ivan lifted an eyebrow at Rose’s strange tone. Before Ivan could ask another question, Victor inserted himself into the conversation. “A mentor, huh?” he asked, feigning ignorance, “is that what that call it these days?” He chuckled at his own joke. I locked my jaw, preventing myself from giving in to Victor’s games. If I defended myself, I would only make myself seem more guilty of a relationship I’m not involved in anymore. Rose didn’t look up from the ground for the rest of dinner.  
After Sonya declared she was full and wanted to get sleep, Rose was quick to follow her up to the bedroom, and Sydney followed Rose. I heard a door close from upstairs, and suspected the three women would be barricading themselves from the men here all night. Victor and his brother went back to the guest bedroom, leaving Ivan and myself in the living room. I didn’t mind, the sliding door in the kitchen was still shattered thanks to our grand entrance, so I would have to stay awake and alert while Rose got rest.  
Ivan sprawled himself on the couch, leaving me to curl up on the recliner Sonya had been chained to earlier. A small movement in the corner of my eye caught my attention, and I looked over to see Ivan wagging his feet at me, laying back on the couch with his arms behind his head. “So how’ve you been, Dimka? I mean, I’ve been a Strigoi this whole time, but you have almost two and a half years to tell me about!”  
I grinned involuntarily. I wanted to be happy for Ivan’s seemingly quick recovery, but his jovial attitude unsettled me. Still, I wasn’t going to miss out on a conversation with him. “After you… died, I spent two months back home with my mamma and sisters. I probably would have stayed there longer, but Babushka said I had to do something useful with my life,” I chuckled at the memory of my grandmother calling me lazy and demanding I get over my ‘crush’ on Ivan. “After that I applied with the Court for a new charge. They didn’t get back to me right away, but then Alberta Petrov contacted me and offered to make me Princess Vasilisa Dragomir’s charge.”  
Ivan sat up in shock, “No way! I heard about her running away… the last of the Dragomirs out in the wild… the Strigoi were going crazy looking for her. You’re her guardian now?” the question made me flinch; his ignorance of the past year’s events made me realize how crazy and ridiculous it all was. When had things gotten so out of control? “No, I’m not her guardian at the moment. It’s really complicated. You need to let me explain in chronological order, or it won’t make sense.” Ivan stayed silent, so I took that as a sign to continue with my story.  
I went into all the details I could remember that seemed important. I told him how I led a team to track down the princess and her unruly friend, and our capture of them in Portland. I told him how I vouched for Rose before she could get expelled from the academy, and I became her mentor. I explained Spirit, even going as far to tell him about Sonya and how she chose to become a Strigoi because of the madness. I didn’t tell him about the bond between Lissa and Rose, though. Ivan nodded along, listening intently as I recounted Victor’s kidnapping of Lissa, and how five students were kidnapped by Strigoi last New Year's, but there were only four alive when we found them.  
I did my best to tell him everything without going into detail about Rose or my feelings for her. As it was, even taking a walk down memory lane forced me to think of how much Rose had always meant to me. I recalled perfectly my dread and panic when Rose was announced missing, and my secondhand grief when I found her huddled over her dead friend.  
I told Ivan vaugly about Rose’s struggles at the academy after that, completely leaving out the night we shared in the cabin. Images I tried to forget which were forever plastered in my mind of Rose, naked beneath me, offering me her body and all the love she had to give. I had gladly taken her offer then, and thinking about it now only made me more upset when I remembered my refusal to speak to her in my jail cell. The way I turned her away in the church…  
I was silent for a while, my head caught up in the twist of events that made me lose the greatest thing that’s ever happened to me. My fist was clenched, my knuckles white when I cleared my throat. “Then the academy was attacked. I’m sure you’ve heard about it,” the attack at St Vladimirs was hot news in the Strigoi world. “We staged a rescue mission the next day after receiving intel that Strigoi were holding captives in the caves nearby. It was in the cave that… that I faltered. A Strigoi named Nathan got me by surprise and that was the end for me. Of course, until I was transformed.” I finished my story with my teeth clenched; Ivan probably assumed I was upset about being turned, but I was still thinking about Rose.  
Ivan shook his head in quiet amazement, “Sounds like a pretty exciting couple of years. But no special friends? No one to share a bed with?” Ivan rose his eyebrows in true concern for my sex life, or lack thereof. My shoulders sagged, “Uh, yeah, actually.” I spared a to the staircase. He practically bounced in his seat in anticipation. “Tell me!” he begged.  
I shook my head, “That’s an even longer story, and not one for tonight.”  
Ivan appeared put out by my coolness on the topic and layed back down, but didn’t press it anymore. I leaned back in the chair and stretched out my aching muscles. “Dimka?” Ivan asked. I was skeptical of what question he might ask, but after a couple seconds I finally offered a reluctant, “Yeah?”  
“I’m really glad we’re both alive. Good night, brother.”  
“Good night, brother,” I half whispered, a small smile pulling at the corners of my mouth.  
After a couple minutes I could hear Ivan softly snoring. Usually, I welcomed lonely guard shifts where I could be alone with my thoughts, but I knew tonight would be difficult. There was so much to think about now. I still couldn’t even wrap my head around having my best friend back in my life. But now all of his innocent questioning has led me down a path I try to stay away from… Roza.  
I couldn’t prevent the thoughts from coming now, it was like a dam had been broken, and now my mind was flooding. Mostly I thought about the day in church, when my words had made her run away from me on the verge of tears. I wanted to protect her from myself, by keeping her at a safe distance. She deserved better than me even before I was awakened. Even after I kidnapped her and played with her like a cat with a mouse, she stayed true, when she should have tossed me out like year old cheese. I never thought I would approve of someone like Adrian Ivaskov for Rose, but my initial thought in the jail cell was that at least he wasn’t a monster like me. Now, looking at Ivan, I knew that I could never think of him as a monster, and my comforting words to him were perfectly logical. So why couldn’t I say the same for myself?  
I pinched the bridge of my nose in frustration, mostly at myself. I lost my Roza. I had to let her go, the same way she needed to give up on me.  
It wasn’t long before my thoughts manifested and the real Rose came downstairs and stood before me. She rubbed the sleep out of her eyes with the heel of her palm and used her other hand to toss me a blanket. “Time for my shift,” she mumbled softly and settled into the other recliner in the room. I kicked off my boots and pulled the blanket around me, it was still warm from when Rose had been curled up in it. Seeing Rose wear exhaustion like a designer brand made me feel empathetic and grateful for her strength. I knew all of this must be hard on her, but she wasn’t complaining.  
“Rose?” I asked tentatively. She stopped pulling at a loose thread on her shirt and looked up, “Yeah?” I gave her a grateful smile, “Thank you, for bringing Ivan back to me.” Her face contorted with angry bafflement, but she quickly controlled her features into the famous guardian mask. “I didn’t do anything, Dimitri.” She looked like she wanted to say more, but she sent her gaze to the window still covered in a blackout curtain.  
Her reaction confused me, but I didn’t want to make her even more upset, so I dropped it. I pulled the blanket tighter around me and closed my eyes, hoping that I didn’t have dreams when I fell asleep.


	2. Chapter 2

I drifted through various dreams that night. My favorite one was when Rose, Adrian, Ivan, Tasha and myself were playing pool in a crowded basement clouded with smoke, all of us speaking in fluent Russian and complaining about final exams in the morning. It all made sense in my unconscious, something about it feeling undeniably right. I didn’t think it odd when Rose threw her drink at Adrian, or that Ivan sang Karaoke songs in English without a Russian accent. There were neon signs in Cyrillic all over the place, easing my nostalgia for home.  
The scene didn’t last, though, and soon I was dreaming of other familiar faces. Any semblance of peace was shattered as I watched myself hunt unsuspecting people going about their daily lives. I felt trapped in my own mind; not knowing a way out and unable to wake up. The hunts morphed together; the settings no longer matching the person from that night. The little girl from the park was now pressed up against a wall in an alleyway, the drunken slob from the bar was now running in heels to the safety of his car, and so it went.  
The nightmare finally ended when my muscles spasmed and I felt my whole body jerk, like I was being pushed from a moving vehicle. My mind went blank for a few seconds, barely processing the muffled sobs I heard.  
I also heard Rose’s voice speaking quietly, almost a whisper, easing me into an even more relaxed slumber. “You’re still innocent,” her voice was a warm caress, filling my veins and flowing through me. “I’ve seen what the blood does to people… good people. They get a drop of it and they’re no longer themselves. You didn’t have a choice, you were…” she sighed in frustration, searching for the right words. Go on, I thought, tell me what I was.  
“You were the victim just as much as the people whose lives you took. I get the guilt, though. It can’t be easy, coming back to your morals after living like that.”  
Her words draped themselves around me, and I found myself agreeing with Rose.   
Lazily, my conscious mind was contributing to the dream now. In my mind, I saw her holding me the same way I once held her when she struggled with Mason’s ghost following her. I wished it was real, that Rose could be my salvation once again. As it was, I felt like a weight had been lifted off my chest.  
A voice different than my own but familiar in it’s own way responded, “No, it’s not easy.” My mind quickly adjusted to bring Ivan into the dream, too. “I’m sorry for, uh, almost hitting you,” Ivan said with a thick accent. Rose breathed out a small laugh, “Don’t worry about it. Keeps me on my toes. I should probably get everyone else up now anyway.”  
There was a shift in the room, the creaking of floorboards as footsteps grew louder. Moments later I felt a hand close around my shoulder and shake gently. My whole body tensed and my eyes flew open to see Rose looking down at me with a humorous smile on her lips. She released her hold and held up her hands in mock defense, “Woah there, comrade. It’s just me.” I leaned back in the chair, letting reality sink in. A scan of the room reminded me of where I really was, shattering the dreamlike state. Ivan was propped up on the couch, watching me curiously. His eyes were puffy and he ran the back of his hand underneath his nose.  
I looked back and forth from Rose and Ivan, slowly accepting that I had actually woken up from my nightmare when I felt my body spasm, and the last part of my “sleep” wasn’t a lucid dream. Rose had really said all of those wonderful things that I took to heart, only she said it for Ivan.  
Rose gave me a concerned look, but I schooled my face into my normal guardian mask before I could give away what I was feeling. “Hey, I’m going to go get the rest of our party up,” she said gently, the concerned look still clouded her features. I could tell she was waiting for me to say something, and my simple “Okay” didn’t satisfy her. She chewed on her lip, debating pushing it further.  
“Well,” she continued softly, “we still need to talk to Sonya.” Rose gave me a meaningful look before disappearing up the stairs. I relaxed once she left the room and took her piercing gaze with her. With all the turmoil, I had completely forgotten our original goal in finding and transforming Sonya.  
I stretched my arms and yawned, hoping for my disappointment to fade like my grogginess would.  
“You had a nightmare,” Ivan stated matter of factly. I looked over to see him rearranging the pillows on the couch to avoid eye contact with me. “How do you know?” I asked, tossing the blanket off of me and standing. Ivan shrugged, “You were kind of mumbling in your sleep. We would have woken you up but you got quiet real quick.”  
I didn’t say anything, and Ivan took that to mean I was upset, which I was, but he didn’t know the real reason behind it. “Hey,” he said awkwardly, rubbing the back of his neck with a sheepish expression on his face, “if it, uh, makes you feel better, I had a nightmare too.”  
I folded up the blanket and tossed it on the recliner instead of answering. Ivan came over and nudged my shoulder, “Do you still play pool?” he asked in a more confident tone. I simply shrugged, “Not really. I tried playing a couple games after you... died, but it wasn’t the same without you cheating me every game.” He bellowed out a laugh, God how I missed that sound. I felt a smile pull at the corners of my mouth; feeling lighter with Ivan here, my jokes didn’t seem as half-assed when I told them to him.  
“I never cheated, Dimka, you just suck at pool.” I shook my head and held my hand out to him with a low chuckle, “We need to settle this once and for all. First chance we get, okay?” Ivan smirked at me and shook my hand forcefully. “You have got yourself a deal.”  
We heard footsteps nearing us and we both turned to see Rose and the others coming down the stairs. Ivan was still watching them when he said, “May the best man win,” and I don’t think he was talking about pool anymore. Involuntarily, my muscles tensed at his tone. Suddenly I felt threatened, like my place in this chaotic world was going to be shifted.  
Rose had her arm linked with Sonya, she gave me a sharp nod as she led the Moroi into the kitchen area, their heads leaned in close to each other in deep conversation, both oblivious to the tension in the room.  
I didn’t know whether to trust Rose alone with Sonya, her line of questioning would be a lot more direct and aggressive than if she’d let me handle it.  
They were in the kitchen for a long time, my anxiety increasing with every minute. What if Sonya refused to help us find the Dragomir child? We’ve already come so far, and I didn’t want to let Lissa down.  
Ivan stayed close to me the entire time as I only half paid attention to the Dashkov brothers and Sydney. He struck up a conversation with me about our mutual friends, asking about their lives now, and I welcomed the distraction. It was a fairly easy distraction, too. I only hesitated when Ivan asked about Tasha’s crush on me.  
“Did she ever make a move on you?” he asked. I groaned internally, but a slight pursing of my lips was the only outside indication of my discomfort. “She asked me to be her guardian last Christmas…” If Ivan had a drink in his mouth he would have spit it out. “You didn’t tell me that last night!” His voice was filled with agitation and excitement, but the meaning behind my omission dawned on him. His face fell. “You turned her down, didn’t you?”  
I nodded slowly, I was so focused on the parts of my story that involved Rose in one way or another that I had completely forgotten to mention Tasha to him last night. He raised his eyebrows in disbelief and blew out a large puff of air, “Wow. That was… stupid of you.” I flexed the muscles in my forearms and made a fist, resisting the urge to snap back at him. “I don’t regret it, if that’s what you’re thinking,” I muttered softly.  
Before Ivan could speak, Rose appeared in the doorway and tossed something at me. “Think fast!” she yelled enthusiastically. I caught a set of keys, at the same time raising an eyebrow at her.  
Rose offered me a victorious smirk, the same gleeful look she’d given me whenever she took me down in a sparring match. My heart skipped a beat seeing that smirk- seeing the old, carefree Rose ghosting her now exhausted features.  
“Let’s get going comrade, Sonya’s taking us to the Dragomir kid.”

“GO GO GO!!” Rose shouted as she slammed the backseat door of the SUV, securing her and Sydney inside and dropping the plastic bags unceremoniously on the floor. I would have jumped to action immediately if it weren’t for both women uncontrollably giggling. I gave Rose an are-you-serious look, “What did you do?” I asked in an peeved tone. She rolled her eyes at me, a huge grin still plastered on her face. “Well, if you don’t leave now, we’re all in big trouble. Sooooo… start the damn car and DRIVE!” She fell back into her seat, gripping Sydney’s arm and laughing even harder, the kind of laugh that looked like an ab workout.  
We were in Sydney’s SUV in the parking lot of a superstore. I hadn’t wanted to stop on our road trip, but I was outvoted… by everyone. Rose argued that we needed to get food, which I couldn’t really dispute. I had reluctantly taken the first exit off the highway and opted to stay in the car with Ivan and Sonya while Rose took Sydney and the Dashkov brothers into the store.  
The girls’ laughter was inevitably intoxicating, and soon enough Sonya, Ivan and I were laughing too at their ridiculousness.  
The source of our laughter appeared in the rearview mirror in the form of two men speed walking to the car. I instantly stopped laughing and gave Rose an accusatory glare. “You ditched the brothers in the store!” I seethed, truly pissed at her stunt. Rose’s eyes widened like a deer caught in the headlights and whipped her head around to look out the back window. “Fuck! I thought we would have more time.” she exclaimed. She turned to me in a panic, all humor vanished, “Listen, Dimitri, if you want to get rid of them, this is your only chance. Start the car before they get here.” She gripped the headrest of my seat, silently begging me with big doe eyes.  
I weighed the options in my head. I did want the Dashkov brothers gone, now that they weren’t needed, as if Rose’s pleading look wasn’t convincing enough. Yet my instinct as a trained guardian wouldn’t let me abandon two defenseless Moroi. Apparently I wasn’t deciding fast enough because Rose moved her hand down and gripped my arm. “Dimitri,” she implored, “do you really want to drag them around with us? We don’t need them.”  
The part of me still dedicated to protecting Moroi went into overdrive. I glared at Rose, refusing to start the car. What she’d done was irresponsible and put the brothers at risk. Not that I would mind much if a random strike of lightning hit Victor…  
Rose narrowed her eyes at me, knowing full well she had already lost this battle. With a humph she sat back in her seat and stared at the window with her jaw clenched.  
The brothers reached the car and opened the door. Once they awkwardly climbed into their seats, we hit the road again, with Rose not speaking to any of us. Just as well. I was still pretty mad myself.

At some point I looked in the mirror to see the Dashkov brothers and Rose sleeping in their seats; Rose with her elbow on the armrest and her fist propping her head up. I found myself stealing glances at her at least three times each minute. It was rare to see Rose so relaxed, and after all the stress and pain she’s been through it was a relief to see her in a more peaceful state. I couldn’t look away from her, with messy hair and her mouth hanging slightly open.  
Beautiful, I thought.  
Looking at her then, I knew that if I got another chance, I would try. I would do everything I could, spend every last breath being what she deserved.  
But I wasn’t there when she needed me most, and Adrian was.  
As much as I tried to deny it, I knew that I would lay down my life for her, and not because I’m sworn to protect, but because I can’t stand the thought of her being harmed. The L word floated around in my mind, mostly as an abstract thought that I refused to form into something more concrete.  
I spent hours glancing back and forth from the road to the woman in the rearview mirror.  
I was about to suggest we get off the highway at the next exit when Sonya directed me to the exit anyway. She puffed out some air, “I think that’s enough driving for today. Let’s find a hotel and get some rest.”  
“No hotel,” Sonya chimed in. “We don’t have time to make sure a location is secure. It will be much safer to find a campground.”  
“Camping?” Ivan asked with a disgusted look on his face. He looked to me, hoping I would back him up. I actually didn’t mind the idea of sleeping outdoors, but I knew Ivan was a royal through and through. His prissiness showed in moments like these.  
I shrugged, “If it’s safer, then that’s what we’ll do. Sydney can you find a store that sells tents and camping equipment?” She nodded, already staring intently at her phone screen.  
“So it’s settled,” Sonya said. “And since we’ll be spending the night together, I’d like to know a bit more of how you ended up searching for Vasilisa’s sibling. Who told you about the child, anyway?” she directed the questions at me.  
Ivan jumped in, “Yeah, and why aren’t you at Court right now?”  
After that I was bombarded with questions. I answered their questions as simply as possible, but with the situation being so complex, the whole story soon began to unravel. One question led to another and so forth, until…  
“She murdered the queen?!” Ivan exclaimed.  
“Shh! She’s still sleeping,” I hissed, checking in the mirror to confirm he hadn’t woken her up. “And I didn’t say she did it, only that she was accused and sent to jail to await trial. Vasilisa is working inside the Court to find out who framed her.”  
“So she didn’t murder the queen?” Ivan asked, while his voice was quiet his tone was gradually increasing.  
I sighed, not knowing how much more of this I could take.  
“No, Ivan. Rose is innocent.”  
“I bet she’s not that innocent,” he commented suggestively.  
If he were anyone else, literally anyone except for my best friend, I would have pulled over and punched him. Instead I just gritted my teeth. “Don’t talk about her like that, you don’t know her,” I warned in a low voice, almost a growl.  
Ivan snorted and rolled his eyes, “Oh c’mon, Dimka! I’m just messing around. She’s not your student anymore, you don’t have to be all protective.”  
My knuckles were pure white I was gripping the steering wheel so hard. I knew I had to tell Ivan about me and Rose, even if I wasn’t ready to talk about it. If I tell him everything, he’ll have to stop getting on my nerves like this.  
“Woah,” Sonya breathed, “Dimitri, your aura…”  
I loosened my grip by a fraction. “What about it?” I asked harshly. Sonya didn’t flinch or even blink at my tone, she met my gaze in the mirror and smiled fractionally. “I don’t know what just happened, but some of the darkness in your aura vanished. There one second and POOF, gone the next. Ivan has the same darkness around him, so do I. It must be a coming back from being a Strigoi thing, but you have a lot less darkness than us, probably because you’ve had more time to heal. And getting angry at Ivan just now… I think it healed you somehow.”

“You only got three tents?” Sydney asked Ivan in disbelief as we unloaded the SUV. Ivan nodded, “One for the brothers, one for me and Dimitri, and one for the girls… hey, what’d I do wrong?” He called after her but Sydney had already walked to the center of the campsite where Rose and Sonya were arranging kindling for a fire.  
Sydney made a comment to Rose that I couldn’t hear, but whatever it was it made Rose walk over to us. She smiled empathetically at Ivan, “I don’t know how much you know about the Alchemists, but they don’t like being around vampires too much. The tent deal might be an issue… making her share a tent with a dhampir and a Moroi is a big deal for her.” Rose gave me an exasperated look. Since I was the one to go shopping for the tents with Ivan, I was to blame here.  
Ivan’s shoulders sagged, “Shit. I wasn’t thinking. I mean… I did get you girls the biggest tent, so she can space herself out…?” Rose shook her head and laughed at his uncertain tone as she reached for one of the tent bags. “Now that I’ve met you, I’m surprised you and you,” she nodded her head in my direction, “were ever friends. Polar opposites.”  
I chuckled, grabbing the tent next to Rose’s, “Some could say the same for you and Lissa.”  
Rose smirked at me, “I have no idea what you’re talking about, comrade. I’m a perfect angel.” She took the tent and walked back to the center of the campsite. Ivan shuffled closer to me so no one else would hear him say, “Yeah, an angel that could kill you.”  
Ivan and I set up our tent effortlessly before helping Victor and Robert set their tent up. Rose set up the girls’ tent while Sydney and Sonya started a fire, just in time for the sunset. Ivan nudged my shoulder, he was facing the forest, blocking the other’s view of him. He flashed me a cheeky grin before pulling a pack of chocolate bars out from under his sweatshirt. “The crackers and marshmallows are in the car. Shall we?”  
Ivan had never had s’mores before, so I suggested we get the ingredients while we were at the store. It was his idea to surprise everyone with them, and I went along because the small gift would make them happy, I hoped. I smiled, thinking of the look on Rose’s face when I presented her with chocolate. I didn’t get that chance though.  
Ivan walked over to Rose and offered her some chocolate, as he did he leaned in to whisper something to her that made her giggle. “You better be glad my boyfriend didn’t hear you say that,” Rose said. Ivan put his hands on his hips, “Now why does everyone keep telling me that? Where is this invisible boyfriend of yours?”  
Rose only smiled wider, “Doubt his existence all you want, but be careful. If he thinks you’re putting moves on me he’ll haunt your dreams.” She winked before turning to Sydney to offer up some chocolate.  
Ivan turned to me while Rose wasn’t looking and flashing me a victorious grin, somehow thinking that he was making progress with her.  
The competitive part of me wanted to prove my strength to Ivan, but I felt guilty that it revolved around Rose. I knew that two friends competing for a girl’s affection was wrong- especially if that girl already has a boyfriend. Rose isn’t just some prize, but that doesn’t mean I won’t fight for her.  
Ivan finally gave up and walked back to the car to get the s’mores stuff. Everyone found a place to sit on the ground around the campfire, Sydney strategically placed herself in between Rose and myself, the only two she trusted here. We passed around the s’mores, Victor filled the silence with mindless banter, but I noticed how intently Rose was listening to him as she stuffed her face with marshmallows.  
“Young Vasilisa will make a great queen,” Victor was saying, “she will unite people of different beliefs. The beautiful Queen Alexandra reincarnated. She will reign with a most forgiving nature-”  
Rose coughed loudly and clutched her chest, “You don’t honestly think Lissa will forgive you and let you back in Court? As soon as she finds your location you’ll be behind bars again.” Everyone was invested in the banter now, looking at Victor expectantly. “I’m not so sure about that, Rosemarie, seeing as she, with your help, was so gracious as to help me get out of Tarasov in the first place.”  
I suppressed a gasp, Victor had just confirmed what I had already suspected. The others in the circle, however, were much more vocal about their surprise. “What?” Ivan exclaimed, and at the same time Sonya choked on her s’more.  
Rose never broke eye contact with Victor, her mood considerably worse than it was just a moment ago. “That was a temporary situation. We got the information we needed. You can go back to rotting in hell for all I care.” Rose’s tone would chill a Strigoi to the bone, her threat was plain and clear.  
Victor only chuckled in that annoying way of his. His gaze brushed over me as he spoke, “Yes, you got the information you needed, but did you get want you wanted out of it?” Victor dragged his gaze back to Rose, but Victor’s double meaning didn’t go unnoticed. Ivan turned to me, a shocked and confused look on his face. I shook my head fractionally without drawing too much attention to myself. All the while I was panicking, turning Victor’s words over in my head.  
Rose broke Victor out of prison, and now I knew why. Robert. Robert was a spirit user capable of transforming Strigoi to their original state. Victor and Robert were with Rose and Lissa in Vegas, about a week before I was transformed. I looked over to Rose, studying her. Once again, I had underestimated her. My heart clenched when I thought of the fact that she did all of that to get me back.  
Rose cut me a sideways look before standing up and brushing the dirt off her clothes. The circled remained silent as Rose went to the girls’ tent and crawled in. “I’ll end you myself, Dashkov,” she muttered before zipping the tent closed.  
No one talked much after that. I knew that as soon as the others fell asleep, I wouldn’t be able to avoid Ivan’s questions.  
Once the fire started to die down, the brothers went to sit in their tent with the fabric door hanging open. Rose opened the fabric door on her tent to let the other girls in; Sonya and Rose both went to sleep but Sydney laid on her stomach and watched the fire.  
Ivan nodded to the brothers, “Do you think they speak Russian?” he asked in Russian. I remembered reading Victor’s file a long time ago, giving me access to more information than most guardians could get. I shook my head, “The one only speaks Romanian, I’m not sure about the other one.” Ivan nodded, “Good, then we can talk freely now.”  
I sighed, “Fine. What do you want to know?”  
“Everything, I want to know why you get so weird around Rose and what makes her different than any other pretty dhampir, and why Victor was looking at you oddly... from the beginning” he stated. I groaned internally, “That’s a lot.”  
Ivan leaned into me, “Exactly!” he hissed, “I’ve been alive again for one whole day and you’re already keeping things from me. You never change,” he mumbled. The glow of the fire accented his features, emphasizing his rage at me.  
“I just like to keep things to myself, you know that,” I said defensively. Ivan gave me a mirthless look. I sighed again, resigning myself to telling him what I’ve never said aloud before.  
“So like I said last night, I was assigned to find the princess, that’s when I met Rose. I thought she was strong. Not physically at first, she’d been out of training for a while, so she wouldn’t have lasted long in a fight. The night we met she was weak from the endor-” I quickly cut myself off. Shit, I thought. I had no right to tell Ivan about Rose giving blood.  
Too late. Ivan wasn’t stupid. His eyes widened, “Endorphins?” he asked in disbelief. “She was high?” I nodded slowly, “She’s not a blood whore,” I said firmly, “but while they were on the run, Rose was the only source of blood for Lissa. It was how she survived. Anyway,” I said dismissively, eager to get off the topic, “The headmistress at St Vladimir’s wanted to expel Rose when we returned, but she agreed to let her stay and study there if I was willing to train her before and after classes so that she could catch up to her classmates.  
“I didn’t want to see that potential thrown away, and I saw how much she cared about the princess. I agreed to train her… if only I’d known what I was getting myself into…”  
I continued the epic tale of how I grew to admire Rose, and then before I could blink, I was in love with her. I got wrapped up in the story, suddenly remembering the smallest details. I took my time with the story, giving Ivan details I wouldn’t dream of telling anyone else. I told him about the conversation we had in the car the day we took the princess and Natalie to the mall, and the dress she wore to the dance, the lust charm, my jealousy over Mason, Spokane, when Rose started seeing ghosts… All the memories that were too sad to think of, and all the ones that were too happy for me to deserve reliving.  
Saying the words aloud made me nostalgic for all the times I held Rose in my arms, the few times I could kiss her. These were the same memories I had obsessed over as a Strigoi, only now I longed for the human contact and not the blood rushing through her veins when I thought of her.  
Ivan nodded along, listening to my version of events. Out of respect for Rose, I kept the details about the night in the cabin vague. However, I didn’t have a problem telling Ivan the intimate details of our time in Siberia, though I tried hard to keep the emotions out of my voice. If Ivan was going to understand how I fell in love with Rose, he needed to understand the reasons why we aren’t together now (other than Adrian). I ended the story with Lissa asking me to run away with Rose, which lead us here.  
Ivan didn’t say anything for a while, processing all of the information I had just told him. I gazed at the dying embers of the campfire, patiently waiting for Ivan to say anything. I felt a pair of eyes on me and looked up to see Sydney studying me intently. I thought that by now she would have gone to sleep. She was still staring at me with a blank expression when Ivan spoke.  
“You’re an idiot.”  
“Yeah, I know.”  
“I mean it. I get that you needed some space when you were restored. But you shouldn’t have pushed her away, Dimka. You’re also a hypocrite.”  
“How so?”  
“You taught Rose about Strigoi. How they lose their humanity and become something their not. Then you go and hold yourself accountable for hurting Rose. She must have known she was in danger when she went to hunt you… you have no responsibility for what happened.”  
“But I still can’t live with the idea that-”  
“Plus you still want her. I know you do. I mean, I didn’t really see it before, but now it’s obvious. It explains why you had a stick up your butt when I was checking her out.”  
I laughed without humor. “You’re right,” I admitted. “I want her back. I want everything we promised to each other months ago.” I couldn’t believe I was saying the words aloud. “But it doesn’t matter now.” Ivan raised his eyebrows, “And why not?”  
I scoffed, “Because she’s dating Adrian! And from what Lissa’s told me, she really likes Adrian. He’s not just some fling; it might have been for fun at first but now… now it’s serious.” Ivan gave me a look of disgust and pity, “How serious? He’s a royal Moroi, it can’t be that bad.” The way he said “royal” implied what we all thought about dhampir relationships with Moroi of status; they weren’t meant to last. Again, I felt guilty for invading Rose’s privacy, but I needed to talk to someone about what was bothering me. “He bit her” I confessed, “Sexually, I think not like when she gave blood to Lissa. I saw the marks on her neck the morning she was arrested, and when I commented on it she didn’t deny he bit her. She just told me it was none of my business.”  
Ivan took a deep breath, “Shit, man.” I nodded in agreement. Shit is right. I looked back over to the tent where Rose was sleeping, and saw that Sydney was still watching me. She was starting to make me uncomfortable, and I hoped she would go to sleep soon. Ivan clapped me on the shoulder, tearing me away from Sydney’s gaze. “Thank you for telling me all that. I should have laid off Rose when you told me to. I’m going to get some sleep, but you need to do some hard thinking about what you’re going to do to get your life back in order” he said lightly, but I knew he was being serious.  
“Goodnight, Ivan” I said in an exasperated tone. Ivan crawled into our tent and laid down. I would wake up Rose in a couple hours so that I could get some rest before we hit the road again. The last red glow from the embers in the fire were almost completely out now, and the air had gotten progressively colder throughout the night.  
“She’s a good girl,” Sydney said into the night, so softly I barely heard her. It took me a moment to process that she had said the words in fluent Russian. I sighed, “I forgot that you speak Russian” I admitted, ashamed I had so blatantly let another person hear me discuss Rose, “I suppose you’re going to tell her about this?”  
Sydney shook her head “Your friend is right, you’re an idiot. Just do the right thing, and let Rose make the decisions from there.” She turned on her side and curled into herself, firmly ending the conversation as she tried to fall asleep.  
The bugs made a lot of noise in the dead air as I pondered what Sydney had said. Their constant ringing almost matched the noise inside my head. Would the right thing be to simply tell Rose how I feel, and let her live with that? Or was I to get down on my knees and beg for a second chance? I could do either of those right now, yet every moment I spent near her I wanted to do the latter option more.  
I had plenty to occupy my mind; I found that studying the features of the woods surrounding me helped to keep me relatively calm while my thoughts were in turmoil. We must have been near a city though, because the sky was washed out and the stars weren’t visible. Shame, I could have gone for some stargazing right now.  
When I woke Rose up, about three hours later, I debated telling her what was on my mind right then and there, while everyone else slept. But I held back, Rose had enough on her mind right now, and didn’t need me complicating things. With a heart full of regret, I went to my tent and pulled a fleece blanket over me.  
I fell into the blackness of sleep quickly, hoping again for a dreamless night. No such luck for me; almost as soon as I felt my body relax I found myself standing in the same suite where I held Rose captive for weeks. Every detail was exactly the same here, the only difference was that Rose wasn’t with me.  
“Where are we?” Adrian Ivashkov asked, roaming about the room and studying the features. Without a doubt I knew I had fallen into one of his Spirit dreams.


End file.
